Some losses are invisible to the world, yet they leave the deepest marks on the heart.
Every October, we observe Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, with October 15 marking the official Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. It’s a time to remember and honour babies who were gone too soon, to break the silence that often surrounds these losses, and to support families walking through unimaginable grief.
What Is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month?
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month was established to raise awareness and bring visibility to the heavy reality that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death, or infant loss.
Despite being so common, this type of grief is often hidden or misunderstood. Parents may feel pressure to move on quickly or to stay strong for others, even when their world has been turned upside down.
This awareness month, and especially on October 15, families around the world light candles at 7 PM local time for the Wave of Light, a global act of remembrance that connects grieving hearts across time zones. It’s a simple yet powerful reminder that every life, no matter how brief, leaves a lasting impact.
Understanding the Grieving Process
Grieving the loss of a pregnancy or infant is not something that follows a predictable path. It’s not something you “get over.” Grief moves in waves, sometimes quiet and gentle, sometimes crashing and all consuming without warning.
For some, grief shows up as sadness or anger. For others, it’s guilt, emptiness, or even numbness. And often, it resurfaces around milestones like due dates, anniversaries, or holidays.
This kind of grief is sometimes called disenfranchised grief, the pain that goes unseen or unacknowledged by others because society often doesn’t know how to talk about it. But your grief is valid, and it deserves to be witnessed.
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means finding ways to carry that love forward without so much pain.
Supporting Yourself Through Loss
In the aftermath of loss, it can be difficult to know what to do or how to begin healing. You might feel isolated or unsure where to turn. There is no timeline or single “right” way to grieve.
Here are a few gentle ways to support yourself through this time:
Honour your baby in a way that feels meaningful. Light a candle, plant a tree, write a letter, or keep a memory box. Small rituals of remembrance can bring comfort and connection.
Find safe spaces to talk. Speaking your baby’s name, sharing your story, or attending a support group can reduce the isolation that often comes grief.
Be patient with yourself. Grief takes time and energy. Rest, nourishment, and self-compassion are acts of healing.
Seek professional support. Specialized pregnancy loss therapy or perinatal loss counselling can provide understanding, structure, and gentle guidance as you navigate the emotions that come with loss.
At The Relationship Centre, our therapists in Belleville and Kingston provide specialized compassionate support for individuals and couples experiencing pregnancy or infant loss. Together, we help you honour your grief, process your emotions, and move toward healing at your own pace.
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How to Show Up for Someone Experiencing Loss
If someone you love has experienced pregnancy or infant loss, you may feel unsure of what to say or how to help. Your support can make a difference, even when words fall short.
Here’s how to show up with empathy and care:
Avoid Minimizing Their Experience
Even well-meaning comments like “You can try again” or “At least it happened early” can unintentionally hurt. Grief doesn’t depend on how far along the pregnancy was, every loss is deeply personal and significant.
Offer Gentle, Practical Support
Depression and fatigue are common after loss. Offering specific help like dropping off a meal, checking in with a text, or sitting together in silence can lighten the load. Small gestures remind them they’re not alone and you care.
Remember Important Dates
Mark their due date, their baby’s birthday, or October 15 on your calendar. A simple message like, “Thinking of you today and remembering your baby,” can be deeply meaningful months or even years later.
Continue Showing Up
Grief doesn’t disappear after a few weeks. Keep checking in, even when the rest of the world has moved on. Ongoing presence says, “Your loss matters. Your baby matters.”
The Connection Between Pregnancy Loss and Perinatal Mental Health
Pregnancy and infant loss can affect mental health in different ways. It’s common for parents to experience depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress in the months following a loss.
Some may fear future pregnancies or struggle with guilt, shame, or changes in identity. Others may feel disconnected from their partner or unsure how to talk about their grief together.
Perinatal mental health therapy can help address these emotional layers. At The Relationship Centre, we integrate trauma-informed,evidence-based approaches that recognize the unique emotional and physical changes surrounding pregnancy and postpartum experiences.
Through therapy, you can begin to:
- Understand the emotional and physiological effects of grief
- Rebuild connection with your body and your partner
- Navigate future pregnancies or fertility journeys with less fear and more support
- Reclaim a sense of hope and self-compassion
