Wondering how to make a relationship last? At some point in most peoples’ lives, developing a long-term romantic relationship becomes a primary goal. Yes, there may be that time of putting off such a big commitment. But eventually, there’s a desire to settle down. Interest grows in establishing a long-term relationship, rather than just the short-term thrills of a new relationship.
But the path to a long-lasting relationship isn’t always an easy one. Knowing how to make your relationship last becomes challenging when unexpected obstacles arise. In time, plenty of relationships break up, leaving many wondering what went wrong.
Whether you want to begin an enduring relationship or continue one, growing a lasting commitment requires a mix of ingredients. Perhaps you’ve wondered, “Will my relationship last?” On the one hand, it’s not always so easy as “Do this, and everything will be happily ever after.” At the same time, having the right mindset and strategy can significantly increase your chances of success. Here are some thoughts.
Have Faith in the Long-Term Gains
What makes a relationship last? First, before beginning a relationship you hope will endure, it’s good to think about the benefits and costs of a long-term relationship. Are you willing to give up some things to gain an enduring and more satisfying relationship in the long run? Not everyone who gets into a commitment is willing or ready to do that, which causes challenges as a couple.
Some of the things you may get away with within a short-term relationship won’t work when pursuing a lasting one. A high cost to count is whether you take physical and emotional monogamy seriously and you’re ready for that step. Most couples value this component, and their relationships quickly disintegrate without it. Also, emotional availability, as well as building and maintaining trust are essential.
You could compare it to two different financial investors. The first investor is always looking for the next quick big-gains money maker. Although there can be short-term highs, those types of investments can be pretty risky, and you often lose a lot in the process. Not to mention, any sense of stability won’t be in the cards.
The second investor is willing to take less risky investments over a long time with the chance of a much higher payoff. That second investor learns that this strategy is worth it in the long run, despite the added effort and patience involved.
Now, where this analogy breaks down is that a long-term, happy relationship is far more valuable and rewarding than mere money. Something definitely worth pursuing!
Longevity Doesn’t Always Mean a Healthy Relationship
If you’re wondering how to make a marriage last, remember it isn’t just about the number of years you check off a calendar. It’s ultimately about the quality of those years.
There can be this idea of, “Well, we made it through another year, so we’re doing well.” While that’s certainly something to be proud of, relationship longevity alone doesn’t always signify a happy connection.
Instead, also focus on your relationship’s quality. Do you feel like you’re growing as a couple? There will be those times that feel stunted or unproductive, but that shouldn’t be the norm. Overall, you should experience a sense of growth and progression.
That’s why relationship therapists aren’t only there for couples in crisis (as vital as that is). They’re also available for couples who recognize the continual need to grow stronger even though they already have a good relationship.
It Takes a Team for a Lasting Commitment
The need for teamwork is one of the greatest satisfactions in a relationship when it’s done right. You work together, making your continuing bond increasingly stronger. That’s excellent news. The only sad thing is when one person tries to do all the work, but the other partner doesn’t help enough to balance out the efforts.
The tricky part is the involved partner can’t force the passive one to contribute. It takes both partners working together to get where you want to go. Most relationships where there isn’t strong teamwork won’t last long. And for the ones that do, the connection will be significantly anemic.
So, there’s something vital about the two of you working together towards a common goal. But beyond that, the teamwork aspect is one of the most meaningful aspects of any lasting relationship. You work towards the same unified purpose, and that can be very rewarding.
In her “Psychology Today” article entitled 7 Secrets for a Relationship that Lasts, Ellen Hendriksen Ph.D. shares the following:
“Seeing a partnership as something the two of you build together every day keeps you in the game much more than simply seeing the relationship as a way to get your individual needs met.”
What Hendriksen says undoubtedly is critical. Partners in lasting relationships aren’t looking simply to take all they can for themselves. That approach isn’t wise or sustainable over the long haul. It’s a dead-end for couples wanting to learn how to make a relationship last a lifetime.
Happy relationships build something together. True happiness in a relationship results from a significant purpose fulfilled rather than seeking happiness by itself. The surest way to have satisfaction elude you as a couple is to make it your primary goal by taking instead of giving. If you’re curious about how to make a relationship last forever, remember always to be a team player.
How to Make a Relationship Last—Consider Couples Therapy
There arguably is no greater reward than a healthy long-term relationship. Ironically, many couples diligently seek expert advice on matters of far less value than their marriage or relationship while largely neglecting their most important bond.
Discovering what makes a marriage last takes a lot of expertise, learning and effort. It isn’t something that “just happens,” as many imagine. One of the best ways to ensure a meaningful and lasting relationship is to improve it continually. Couples therapy can make a big difference if you want to learn how to make your relationship strong and long-lasting.
Maybe your relationship is struggling right now. Or perhaps you have a reasonably happy relationship but want to make it even better. Either way, The Relationship Centre can assist you. If you’d like to learn more, don’t hesitate to get in touch with us. You are also welcome to schedule an appointment with us.